Last night was the first time that I felt my heart break into little tiny pieces. All caused by Kyle and one little comment.
It all began with Kyle getting in trouble at school and then choosing to lie about it. Of course, he got caught in his lie and was in more trouble because of the way he chose to handle the situation. I think that I can speak for most parents when I say that our children (or anyone for that matter) need to have consequences for their bad choices. And in the same sense they need to be rewarded for their good ones. So, like most parents I told Kyle that he would be on two days punishment. One for misbehaving during school and another for lying about it….fair enough, right? Well, Kyle didn’t think so……
He continued to nag me about being able to do things: Can I go on the computer? Can I play with my toys in my room? Can I color? I told him all he was able to do was read books in his room and nothing more. Well, he thought that this was just outrageous and under his breath muttered, “I wish I could get a new Mommy…” Right at that moment my heart fell to pieces. Pieces that I felt could not be put back together. I wasn’t mad like I usually get when he may talk back. I wasn’t anything like that….I was Sad. Shocked. Absolutely beside myself. If I didn’t hold it back, tears would have started streaming down my cheeks right in front him. It was silent for a few minutes. Then I said, “Kyle, that was the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me. You know you really hurt my heart?” Tears began to fill his eyes at this point. Immediately after it was time for bed so I did not speak to him until this morning. Apparently, his Dad had a talk with him because his first words to me this morning were, “I’m sorry for saying mean things and hurting your heart, Mommy.” I of course accepted his apology and again explained thinking before saying and doing anything. I reminded him about making those good choices and how bad ones could hurt other people.
I know that he didn’t mean what he said or even if he was aware of the result it would have on me, but the fact that those words came out of my little boy’s mouth was heart wrenching. I shared my story with many people today and many of them had the same responses: “You know he didn’t mean it. Think about when you were younger and when you did the same thing to your parents.” The thing is, I NEVER once said anything like that to my parents. Believe me, I thought it. More in my teenage years than ever, but that’s just it: I thought it, but the thoughts never came out of my mouth. That may be why I took this situation so hard…I was shocked.
So I have come to conclusion that my boys can think those kinds of thoughts all they want, because I know that it is natural, but PLEASE don’t let me hear the words come out of those precious little mouths. All I want to hear is, “I love you, Mommy!” and “You are the best Mommy in the World!”